Sorry if I appear a little slow (-er than usual) but it seems my synapses are working on their icicle mimicry. My hands aren’t far from joining them either. The heating seems to be fighting to keep my flat cold rather than sub-Arctic and please remember I am but a humble journalist, rather than an energy mogul or banker.
Before I resort to family packs of microwavable apple pies (pre-heat in morn & store under chair. By time they’ve cooled; lunch time!), I thought I better take a look around at some of the more sensible options out there:
Aluminised socks & gloves – also perfect if you’ve drawn the short dipstick and are playing the tin man in the Christmas Panto.
Always wondered what life as a Tellytubby would be like? Wonder no longer with a OnePiece – just make sure you never answer the door to anyone, ever.
…and matched up with a Bearded Beanie you’ve got the perfect ensemble (whether the Surrey Life fashion pages will feature either over the coming months, however, will largely come down to whether Caroline asks me to guest edit them…).
Buy a ridiculously hairy dog. You get a companion for those cold winter days and can always drape it round your neck for a joint work out/warm up. The possibilities as a draft excluder are endless, too.
A luxury waterproof rechargeable body warmer almost sounds sensible until you consider that by the time you’ve also bought the rechargeable socks, trousers and hat too you’re either going to have to stay plugged in (and build your own personal nuclear reactor in your garden) or eventually emerge into a freezing cold flat.
Get into the Christmas spirit by going completely over the top with your lights this year – the combined heat output is bound to add a degree or two to the surroundings. That said, when the electricity bill comes in, you’ll probably wish you’d just switched on the heating in the first place…
Rub yourself with some Effing Hot Chillies – or eat them, I suppose. Either way, I’m sure the burn would help convince you its 30c and rising outside (it’s all in the mind after all, right?).
…and, if that doesn’t work, I can only recommend a little magma on your Monday – eating is probably less advisable than some of those chillies, however.